Divorce is a profoundly challenging life event, often leading to emotional distress, identity crises, and long-term psychological impact. Studies show South Africa’s divorce rate is approximately 17.6%, with global research indicating up to 41% of first marriages ending in divorce. With research showing divorce’s negative effect on mental health, particularly anxiety and depression, there is no doubt that individuals and families going through divorce can certainly benefit from sound support. Amicable divorces can mitigate the negative outcomes not only on the adults, but also for children, as evidenced by Hetherington’s (2002) research on the matter, which found reduced emotional distress in children when parents maintain cooperative co-parenting.
Divorce can be life changing and is classified in the field of Psychology as one of the most stressful life events an individual can face. This article will focus on some of the challenges divorcees and their families may need to navigate, and how post-divorce counselling can ease the trauma and challenges during this period.
To understand the benefits that post-divorce counselling may hold, it is important to understand each aspect of the process and the problems it is targeted at. Post-divorce counselling is a structured therapeutic process aimed at supporting individuals in managing the emotional, psychological, and practical challenges that arise after a divorce. It provides a safe space for self-reflection and healing with the aim of helping people come to terms with their new realities, deal with the losses associated with divorce, and initiate the development of a vision for the future in their new landscape. After divorce, many clients often present with similar challenges as would someone who had recently experience the loss of a loved one. Going through a divorce is a loss, a loss of a relationship, loss of friendships, social circles and other relationships, loss of a lifestyle, often a loss of certain financial resources, loss of support, and many other facets that formed part of a person’s life as part of a married couple. It would therefore be unreasonable to deny a person who has recently gone through this significant life event effective support. Of course, each person’s circumstances, emotions, and experience of divorce is different.
Besides getting support during this grieving and adjustment period, post-divorce counselling benefits individuals experiencing emotional turmoil, individuals seeking out personal growth and emotional healing, persons wanting to develop interpersonal skills for the benefit of future interpersonal relationships, co-parents seeking harmony for their children’s well-being, and children struggling to adjust to new family structures. It can be a rewarding process where individuals, parents, and families are able to talk through possible challenges that they may be experiencing and to set in place practical plans for coparenting in a way that is conducive to growth and development for children.
Counsellors providing post-divorce counselling guide clients in emotional healing to foster resilience, and reduce feelings of anger, guilt, and/or self-doubt that are common during and after divorce. During these sessions some simple aspects or complex dynamics can be discussed that may not have been foreseen, particularly by parents as children often bring their own set of emotions and behaviours to the table.
Research from the American Psychological Association highlights that divorced individuals often experience heightened anxiety and depression, underlining the importance of mental health support. Studies, such as those published in the Journal of Family Psychology, also demonstrate how effective co-parenting post-divorce reduces behavioural issues in children and promotes emotional well-being.
Addressing the emotional and psychological challenges of divorce is essential for fostering personal growth, emotional stability, and healthier future relationships. Resolved divorce trauma allows individuals to process grief, regain self-esteem, and approach new partnerships with confidence. Many clients who attend post-divorce counselling for the first time are not yet fully aware of the full impact the changes around them have had on them. With some self-exploration facilitated by a mental health professional, authentic deep healing and growth can be experienced. For children, a parent’s healing fosters a stable environment, providing them with the safety and stability that children need to also adjust to changes and still have a joy-filled childhood. Additionally, individuals are better equipped to focus and thrive in their professional lives without unresolved emotional burdens.
The way parents handle divorce profoundly shapes how children perceive and manage their own relationships. Teaching conflict resolution, emotional expression, and respect during difficult times equips children to navigate future challenges with empathy and resilience. Demonstrating positive coping strategies to them builds a foundation for healthy interpersonal relationships in their adulthood. Navigating changes for young ones can be challenging, but parents are able to mitigate these difficulties by receiving impartial support and guidance on what steps could be implemented for the better of their children.
Lacking conflict resolution skills, emotional expression, and respect can escalate tensions during divorce, making negotiations adversarial and emotionally draining. Poor communication often leads to unresolved grievances and unhealthy coping mechanisms, which can affect future relationships and personal well-being. Post-divorce counselling helps individuals develop these critical skills, fostering healthier interactions, reducing conflict, and promoting healing from which the individual can benefit in mostly every aspect of their lives. By addressing these aspects, individuals can rebuild self-confidence, improve emotional resilience, and cultivate positive relationships, ultimately leading to personal growth and a more balanced life post-divorce.
Counselling is foremost focused on supporting and guiding individuals to self-developed ways of creating a joyful life and future for themselves. Rebuilding self-esteem is therefore an exceptionally important aspect of post-divorce counselling, empowering individuals to regain confidence and envision a fulfilling future. It is often so difficult for newly divorced individuals to envision a phase of their lives where they will be able to trust in relationships and to have faith in positive outcomes. This is conducive to feelings of hopelessness and loss of life-motivation. During the healing process, these negative outlooks and unhelpful beliefs can be challenged and resolved. After all, although the process of healing involves healthy grieving, divorce is the beginning of a new season of life in which undiscovered happiness may be waiting.
The Author: Linda-May Roodt (Specialist Wellness Counsellor)
More about Linda-May Roodt: https://www.vitanova.co.za/meet-the-team/linda-may-roodt-specialist-wellness-counsellor/
To schedule a session with the author or any of our counsellors at Vita Nova, please contact us on 0712979992, or go to www.vitanova.co.za. We offer a range of counselling services and have interns that can provide you with assistance for free if you are not in a position to afford therapy.
For 24 hr assistance on mental health matters contact SADAG on 0800 567 567
Help is always available.