In a world where self-care and mental health awareness are at the forefront of conversations, it is crucial to reflect on whether our approach to mental well-being is truly fostering resilience or merely providing temporary relief from life’s struggles. Has mental health become more about avoiding challenges rather than equipping ourselves to navigate them with strength?
The phrase “protect your mental health” implies a sense of fragility, suggesting that mental health is something delicate that needs to be safeguarded. However, mental health is not about avoiding challenges; it is about developing the strength to face them head-on. Just like our immune system, mental health needs to be exposed to stressors and setbacks in order to learn how to adapt and grow stronger.
The essence of good mental health lies not in seeking constant comfort, but in developing the capacity to handle life’s inevitable ups and downs. It is about cultivating emotional, psychological, and cognitive resilience that allows us to face difficulties head-on, rather than shying away from them. True mental strength is not dependent on external circumstances but on our ability to adapt and grow in the face of adversity.
While seeking counselling can provide valuable tools for managing symptoms and finding relief of those symptoms, the ultimate goal should be about personal growth and building resilience, or how I like to call it: growing our capacity to deal with life’s ups and downs. It is not merely about feeling better in the moment but about becoming better equipped to handle life’s challenges in the long run.
Struggling is a natural part of the human experience, and it is through facing these struggles that we grow and develop. Avoiding difficulties may provide temporary comfort, but it ultimately hinders our personal growth, resilience and capacity to deal with life. Embracing life’s challenges, no matter how uncomfortable they may be, is essential for building mental fortitude and emotional strength.
One important aspect of fostering mental resilience is the concept of boundaries. Boundaries serve as a tool to maintain a healthy relationship with oneself while also allowing for healthy interactions with others. However, it is crucial for boundaries to remain flexible and adaptable in different contexts, rather than rigid and unyielding.
As a counsellor I check-in with my client if they are maybe only seeking comfort and avoid discomfort at all costs. I gently help my client to reflect on how we handle moments of struggle and difficulty. The truth is, growth and resilience are not cultivated by constantly running away from challenges. Instead, our relationship with discomfort should be one of acceptance and growth. This shift in mindset is essential for building mental strength and emotional resilience.
When we choose to shut down or walk away at the first sign of discomfort or confrontation, we miss out on valuable opportunities for personal growth. Boundaries are important, but they should not be used as a shield to protect us from every uncomfortable situation. By avoiding discomfort, we limit our capacity to navigate life’s challenges and hinder our ability to develop essential coping skills.
Therefore, I believe that counselling can be a powerful tool in helping us change our relationship with struggling and discomfort. Through the counselling that I offer, we can learn valuable skills that empower us to face difficult emotions and situations head-on. Here are some key lessons I strive to convey in counselling to enhance our mental health and emotional resilience:
- Emotional Regulation: One of the fundamental skills we can develop in counselling is the ability to regulate our emotions effectively. This means learning how to manage and express our feelings in a healthy way, even in challenging situations. By mastering emotional regulation, we can navigate various emotions without relying on specific external conditions.
- Clear and assertive Communication: Instead of shutting people out when faced with discomfort, counselling can teach us how to communicate clearly and assertively. I help my clients identify their needs, but I also explore what a healthy compromise would look like. Effective communication is key to building strong relationships and resolving conflicts constructively. By learning to express our needs and boundaries openly, we can foster healthier connections with others.
- Self-Trust and Resilience: Counselling can also help us cultivate self-trust and confidence in our ability to navigate challenges. Rather than avoiding difficult situations, we can learn to approach them with courage and resilience. By trusting in our inner strength and resilience, we can face adversity with a sense of empowerment and self-assurance.
It’s important to recognize that mental health is not just about managing stress or relying on external tools for support. True mental well-being stems from building internal strength and resilience to handle life’s ups and downs effectively.
So, ask yourself: Has your mental health journey made you stronger, or have you become overly dependent on external coping mechanisms? It’s time to shift the focus from merely managing stress to building inner resilience and strength.
A big request many of clients have of themselves is “how do I feel peaceful?”. Or they “just want a peaceful life”. This is a beautiful goal and feeling to chase that I highly support, but I might have to gently change your perspective on how to go about ‘peace’. True peace is not about creating a bubble where nothing can disrupt us; it is about becoming the kind of person who can navigate life’s challenges with grace and resilience. Many of us have fallen into the trap of believing that peace is something we can manage by controlling our external circumstances. We seek out specific environments, avoid negativity, and rely on strategies to maintain a sense of calm. But what if peace is not about the ‘how’ or the external factors, but about who we are and how we choose to support ourselves through difficult times?
My truth is, peace is more about internal strength and self-trust than it is about external conditions. It’s about being able to regulate ourselves and stay grounded, no matter what life throws our way. When we constantly micromanage our lives to avoid disruptions, we may be missing out on the opportunity to grow and evolve into the kind of person who can find peace amidst chaos.
Instead of asking ourselves how we can create peace, we should be asking who we need to become to embody peace. It’s about developing the inner resilience and self-assurance that allow us to stand firm in who we are, even in the face of adversity. True peace comes from knowing that we have the capacity to handle any situation that comes our way, not just the ones that feel comfortable.
So, the next time you find yourself seeking peace by controlling your environment or avoiding disruptions, take a moment to reflect on whether you are truly at peace or simply micromanaging your life to avoid discomfort. Embrace the idea that peace is not something you create but something you embody.
Counselling is a valuable resource but the real work of building mental health happens outside the confines of our sessions. It is in the moments when we are faced with discomfort, setbacks, and the urge to shut down that we truly build our mental fortitude.
In conclusion, having ‘mental health” is not about never being affected by life’s struggles; it is about the ability to bounce back and adapt in the face of adversity. It is the capacity to keep going when everything inside you wants to give up, to stay present when all you want to do is run, and to take ownership of your experiences instead of placing blame. So, instead of focusing on protecting your mental health, shift your mindset to strengthening it. Embrace life’s challenges as opportunities for growth, practice self-compassion in the face of adversity, and remember that mental health is not about avoiding struggles but about learning to navigate them with confidence in your own capacity and resilience.
The Author: Juliette Ramotsehoa (Specialist Wellness Counsellor)
More about Juliette Ramotsehoa: https://www.vitanova.co.za/meet-the-team/juliette-ramotsehoa-specialist-wellness-counsellor/
To schedule a session with the author or any of our counsellors at Vita Nova, please contact us on 0712979992, or go to www.vitanova.co.za. We offer a range of counselling services and have interns that can provide you with assistance for free if you are not in a position to afford therapy.
For 24 hr assistance on mental health matters contact SADAG on 0800 567 567