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BREAK THE CYCLE OF ABUSE. It can end with you. You don’t have to stay in an abusive relationship – you can break free. Get out of the relationship before you lose yourself completely. Some of us actually don’t view the acts in this article as abusive – to us it might be a normal way of communicating. But it’s not. Become aware of your own abusive behavior and change it.

It also includes an array of emotions that can be absolutely all-consuming at times: anger, grief, loneliness, self-doubt, depression, distrust and constant suspicion; on the side of the betrayed. But the betrayer also goes through a lot of emotions on his/her side: overpowering guilt, anger at self, helplessness the list is surprisingly long. An affair rarely happens in a vacuum, so often times there are other underlying issues; besides the affair and the consequences thereof, that also needs attention.

Die herhaalde en langdurige gebruik van stilstuipe in verhoudings, lei daartoe dat die ander party (slagoffer) in die verhouding nie die vrymoedigheid het om eerlik te wees oor emosies en of gedagtes nie omdat hy/sy die uitsluiting vrees. Stilstuipe maak dus openhartige en eerlike kommunikasie onmoontlik en sonder effektiewe en gesonde kommunikasie tussen twee mense, is 'n gesonde gebalanseerde en bevredigende verhouding onmoontlik.

Self-love is a term that is thrown around quite freely; and is often thought of simply as a state of feeling good about one’s self, but in actual fact it’s way deeper than that.

The easiest thing ever to do in a relationship, be it a friendship, be it a marriage or a couple who have been together for some time, is to point the finger at the other person. The easiest thing to do is to spot the other person’s faults and contribution to the mess you’re in; and in all fairness; let’s be honest – that other person might have a hell of a lot of faults and contributions to the problems you are experiencing! But seeing as this is the easiest reaction to the problem, this is the one thing we do fairly quickly and often without letting up. These are the things we end up focusing on completely and without fail and it almost gets to a point where we are just waiting for this other person to make one of their usual mistakes so that we can again point it out to them by either verbally/physically attacking them or by getting all upset and withdrawing even further or even by getting all emotionally upset and starting yet another set of crying displays. The list of reactions goes on and on and on.

Young children are; more often than not, better at adapting to change than older children, especially teenagers. But all children need a sense of safety and structure. When introducing your new partner to your children; remember that a teenager would probably be more angry and resistant than a young child. Your child’s ability to handle emotions and life changes will also be dependent on their developmental phase. Don’t expect more than your child can give you. In explaining why this new person is coming into your life, note that young children might not understand it and older children might not accept it.

Most people get a knot in their stomach when they think about introducing there new partner to their children. So many things can go wrong…What if they don’t like him? What if he ends up not liking them? How am I supposed to choose? I’ve got good news, you don’t have to choose. You can have both romantic love and the love of your children.

“How do I know that this relationship I am in; is a good one?” is a question that we at the Vita Nova counselling center are often asked.  The mere fact that the questions is asked in the first place, shows that so many people are genuinely confused about what makes a relationship a good one.

In many ways though, the answer will depend, to a large extent, on the specific individual asking the question. We all need different things when it comes to relationships, but, there are certain universal principles, or actions, that I feel, should be part and parcel of your relationship, if you would like to be one of those seemingly “lucky” couples who has it all. 

It is easy to forgive the stranger who profusely apologised right after bumping you with a shopping cart in the store. Or the person who spilled his drink on the floor right next to you, almost soaking your trousers and leaving a ghastly stain… certainly way easier than forgiving you partner for his/her “sins”… no matter how profuse the apology might be…

A Value can be defined as something of importance. It is the quality or the worth of a thing. So what does this mean for families of today? Family Values would then be defined as what is valuable in our families. Values can also vary from characteristics such as good manners to traditions and even household duties or chores

I see clients – on a daily basis – who are so stuck in their patterns of interaction and communication, so absolutely lost and who see no way out…and my answer is: what you've been trying up to now, has not been working. So try something else… change has to start somewhere… YOU are the only one that you can change and control and can influence completely… so why not TRY and start with YOU… that would, at the very least, be a start…