VitanovaPTA

Usually we move out of our families in the search for our own lives. Some people want to start their own families, while others want different things from life. But let’s assume that we all want to start our own families…how do we do that when we had a traumatic childhood. The answer, while complex, is simple – change the patterns. As children we don't have control over our lives, but as adults we do. Make different choices and don’t repeat the same mistakes. But before you can do that you need to be aware of the unrealistic or irrational expectations that you have. Awareness is the first step to change.

Here is the big problem: anything that can make us feel good or that gives us an intense feeling or “high” can become addictive or compulsive. This means that in a rather short period of time, we will need more or a more exaggerated dose to have the same feeling. After more than 5 years working in the field of substance abuse and addiction ….

We all have emotional, physical, social, intellectual and spiritual needs. Because all of us were uniquely and wonderfully made, our needs will differ. This difference in needs can make some relationships more difficult. 

Alle gesinne het hulle eie tradisies wat hulle spesiaal maak. Om die nuwe jaar te begin wil ek graag ‘n paar van hierdie tradisies en gewoontes bespreek wat 2015 saam met jou gesin spesiaal kan maak. Probeer om van hierdie gewoontes ‘n daaglikste deel van jou gesinslewe te maak.  

We need to recharge and re-energise and fill up, so that we can soldier on again when the time comes. But what if you are holidaying with family members…this in itself could offer up some challenges. But now, let’s add to that; toxic family members!? What do you do and how do you handle it!?

Healthy and effective communication between parent and child is a great way of ensuring that communication channels remain open. So really focus on your side of the conversation; model healthy and effective communication whenever you are talking or listening to someone and try and engage your child in conversational topics as often as possible.

In families where children are abandoned, ignored or emotionally, sexually or physically abused – the children are left with very poor self-esteem – and we have discussed the importance of a healthy self – esteem in a previous show already, but children with a poor self-esteem will be at a greater risk to fall into this trap.

If it is a secret that has a direct impact on your partner, I feel it is your responsibility to come clean; regardless of what you fear your partner’s reaction might be. 
If it is something that happened somewhere long ago in your past and has absolutely no influence on your current relationship, make sure of your motivations and the outcome that you hope to achieve by sharing your secret. Will the reveal of this secret make you as a couple stronger, or help your partner to understand you better, or is it something that might do more harm than good.

The definitions for “heard” given by Thefreedictionary.com include; “to learn by hearing” and “to listen attentively” and I think this about sums it up. We as human beings have the need to share our lives with one another and with that, the need for someone who wants to share our lives, who wants to learn more about who we are by listening attentively to us…

Marriage counselling is not a magic wand that can be waved over your relationship, fixing everything on the spot. Marriage counselling is a tool you can use if you choose to do so. It requires a willingness from the parties involved, it requires you to put in the effort, to go and actively apply what you learn during the sessions to make it a success. So; how effective is marriage counselling? How effective do you want it to be?

I see quite a number of people who want things back to “the way they were” when they just started their relationship; and I get very surprised reactions when I tell them that this is impossible. You are not the people you married anymore. Things happen- life changes a person; your relationship changes you. The key here is to grow together; to keep that connection between the two of you. If a couple fails to do this, they might end up as two individuals; simply co-existing under one roof.

Here's the thing about communication; it's inevitable. Whether you are the life of the party or the biggest introvert on this planet; at any given stage of your daily life, you are communicating. Even if you are not saying a word to anybody, you are still communicating…

As life goes on, challenges are faced, conquered or failed and we grow as people. Life throws its punches; left, right and centre and people adapt and change.  If we are not in constant communication with one another often, how do we ensure that we grow together, instead of apart?

If we cannot grow together; we end up as two individuals, co-existing under one roof…comfortable in our unhappiness…