With the start of the new year, it’s hard to avoid the need to set goals to assure a better, healthier, stronger version of yourself.

Our socials are full of inspirational people telling us how they are going to reach their full potential this year, both professionally and personally. And don’t get me wrong, I think having the skills to envision your year or future and turning those into goals is a great way to live a fulfilling life. I am just wondering if a lot of us are not being led astray and setting goals that are not actually aligned with our true values but rather with what society deems as successful. Simplified we could categorize our goals in how well they reflect our “true” or “public” selves. Authentic goals will make you feel like you are really being yourself while goals that serve your public self are often more externally driven, with the hope other people like you or make other people respect you.

Research shows that individuals who pursued goals aligned with their “true” (i.e. authentic) selves reported significantly more progress than those chasing goals that served their public selves. But as a counsellor I’m often not that preoccupied with whether my clients are actually achieving their goals, but rather whether their goals are actually helping them build the lives that will make them feel fulfilled. Are your goals aligned with your values? Are they allowing you to spend most of your time and resources on the things and people that truly matter to you?
For me as a counsellor, this is so much more important, because this is what impacts our mental health. Authenticity at its core, in my opinion, is a quality relationship with ourselves. When we are able to be authentic, it’s a sign of truly knowing who we are, what we need and what we want, and with that; being the person we can truly count on to fulfil those needs and wants. And too often my clients and I discover that their goals are actually not so kind to themselves and often not in line with what actually matters to them. This has the effect of almost being a stranger to oneself.

If you are thinking of setting goals, or perhaps reflecting on the goals you’ve already set for yourself, maybe start by asking: “How well does these goals reflect who I am deep down inside?”.

Pursuing goals can be hard. Especially if the goals are not truly yours, they don’t inspire you, they don’t feel authentic or you don’t connect with the reason why you are pursuing them. There is a big risk of burnout in chasing something that doesn’t reflect who you are, what you want to stand for or what truly motivates you.

So here are some guidelines that help me identify whether the goals I have set are authentic to me:

  • The goal is based on what really matters to me. They align with my values, my believes and with the vision I have for a fulfilled life.
  • The goal will get me closer to what I want, not what other people expect from me or what our society or social media is portraying as success or happiness.
  • The goal makes me feel determined and at peace, it doesn’t cause too much resistance, or anxiety. It does however give you the strength and courage to push some limits and expand your comfort zone.
  • The goals are not motivated by “shoulds” or “have to’s”. If the goal feels like an obligation reflect where this feeling comes from or from who!

I personally also believe that we can detach our goals from high expectations of achieving “big” things. In 2025 I hope your goals include how to have more self-compassion, how to implement more rest and play and how to spend more time on the things or people that you care about.

So by now I am sure you were hoping to get a step by step guide on how to set authentic goals. The truth is there is no one way of doing this and it will differ so much for each person, as authentic goals are unique to you. Setting authentic goals requires you to know your motivators, your values, your skills, potential gaps to overcome, your individual obstacles – what triggers you to give up? Those are just a few factors. Summing it up: to set authentic goals requires deep self-awareness.

So if this is something you would like some guidance in, counselling can be a great space to partner with a professional to explore this self-awareness, as a counsellor mirrors back to you.

As a counsellor I have the tools to gently guide you to find answers to the following questions:

  • What is truly important to you?
  • What fulfils you?
  • What gives you a sense of purpose and belonging?
  • What and who inspires you?
  • What do you dream about and long for?

In this exploration we might have to dig a little into the past, or current environments that don’t allow for you to be fully authentic. Not being authentic or fully in touch with who we are is often a very natural response to our environment. It’s often been a way of protecting ourselves from exclusion or a way for us to receive that conditional love we so deeply need. But especially in our adult life, not being authentic, can lead to more harm than protection. It leads us astray from the life we truly want and with that a sense of fulfilment, pride and safety within ourselves.

The Author: Juliette Ramotsehoa (Specialist Wellness Counsellor)

More about Juliette Ramotsehoa: https://www.vitanova.co.za/meet-the-team/juliette-ramotsehoa-specialist-wellness-counsellor/

To schedule a session with the author or any of our counsellors at Vita Nova, please contact us on 0712979992, or go to www.vitanova.co.za. We offer a range of counselling services and have interns that can provide you with assistance for free if you are not in a position to afford therapy.

For 24 hr assistance on mental health matters contact SADAG on 0800 567 567

Help is always available.