Heleen and I attended an “Original play” workshop a couple of weeks ago. Walking in, we immediately and very definitely had our reservations, but agreed that we would make the call; regarding whether to stay or not, at around lunch time. You see; what we thought was going to be a lecture-type workshop, turned out to be a crawling-around-on-all-fours-in-your-socks-experience!!
That being said I, for one, am extremely pleased that we didn’t take our freaked-out selves right out the door, as in the end I really took an immense amount of value from that workshop.
Dr Fred Donaldson used to be a professor who taught at the Universities of Washington and California State Hayward, and the California School of Professional Psychology. He has researched the subject of “play” for over 25 years now; starting with children, also including wild animals in his research. Fred says that he learns from children and animals about original play – he doesn’t teach games or simply observes their play. He gets down on all fours and actually goes and plays with them; wild animals included!
While watching him and some of his assistance demonstrate “Original Play”, the thought of animals on Discovery channel playing together, entered my mind. There was no talking, just two people rolling around, bumping each other, rolling over one another on the floor; having fun. Sounds a little weird? – believe me; we also thought so… initially, and there are some philosophical aspects regarding some of the “rules” of Original Play that we as educators and professional counsellors can’t help but question, however I honestly believe that the basic principles I took from this workshop can be of absolute immense value to every parent.
“Imagine, for example, a world with no sides, no fault, no blame, no revenge, no self-defense, and no enemies. To adults this would be a fairytale world. It was to me too until children like the little boy in South Africa introduced me to choices I didn't know I have. Such a world may be unbelievable to adults, but to the little boy and me it is not unliveable.” Fred Donaldson http://www.originalplay.com/peace.htm
Dr Fred says that by the age of around three, children have already lost the “original play” ethics and principles, instead displaying our adult-version of what play is all about; conflict, contest, winning and losing…
And if you think about it, how do we as adults play with each other? – we have a competition. We play sports, or a game of cards or a board game – where the goal is, very clearly; beating your opponent. So it’s understandable, I suppose, that we then take those same principles and teach them to our kids. We play cowboys and crooks, we try and see who can run the fastest, jump the highest. We wrestle with our kids, but in an Attack and Defend manner…still based on contest, winning and losing.
In contrast to that, Original Play proposes something completely different. In Original Play there are no winners or losers. There is no attacking or defending, there is no contest or conflict – only the giving and receiving of love.
Another thing that really hit home hard for me, was the fact that we as adults way more often than not, seem to always introduce something to play with. When I say to my children “let’s go play”, I have something specific in mind; such as building blocks, playing with cars/dolls, playing ball outside…there is almost always an external something- physically placed between us. And the focus is therefore also placed on the different objects that we are playing with.
In Original Play however, you are the toy your child plays with…all the focus is placed on you and your child and the interaction between you. Your focus as adult is on matching the energy levels of your child and on keeping him/her (and yourself) safe; as playing on the ground and rolling around has its physical consequences.
We as adults tend to be extremely wary of touching. We build emotional walls around us which leads to everyone keeping a safe physical distance between everyone else. And in a world where self-defence seems so necessary; this makes a lot of sense. As adults, we have to be responsible, we have to be in control, we have to be all grown-up, make hard decisions, we plan for the future…we are so serious. The thought of literally taking your shoes off and physically rolling around on the floor, with another body rolling over you and bumping against you, really honestly scares us half to death. We are completely and utterly uncomfortable with the idea.
That being said; so much research has already been done on the value of Physical Touch and the benefits thereof.
As this extract from an online article also states:
“All those educational toys that promise to stimulate your child's learning might make you feel like you're being a good parent, but in the long run they hardly make a difference in your child's development. Your toddler will benefit much more from rolling around on the floor with you than from a fancy mobile over her crib or a session with flash cards designed to teach her a foreign language or the multiplication tables.” http://clivechung.hubpages.com/hub/Parenting-Guide-How-to-Express-Physical-Affection
Fred said something else I will never forget; when your child asks you to come and play, she is actually asking whether you would like to give and receive love. We are so busy, we are so focused and driven to provide for our children’s future that we forget that our biggest and easiest contribution to our kids is the love we give, right here and right now…
And no; you are not too old for this; Original Play has no age guidelines – everyone can “Play”, regardless of your age. In Original Play, there are no human-imposed categories; such as male or female, big or small, young or old. In Fred’s own words:
“Original Play is simply two faces of God, giving and receiving love”.