As a parent, one of the greatest gifts you can give your child is to truly understand them. Every child is unique, and part of that uniqueness stems from their temperament, which is the innate way they experience and react to the world around them. One of the most powerful tools that a parent can have in their parenting toolbox is to understand your child’s temperament. Drawing from the insights of Lynette Beer in her book Fun with Temperaments (2014) and Hettie Britz in Growing Kids with Character (2010), we’ll explore the four colour-based and tree temperaments and how this knowledge can transform the way you connect with, guide, and support your child.

1. What are temperaments?

Temperaments are innate traits that shape how a person experiences the world, reacts to stress, and interacts with others. Unlike personality, which develops over time, temperament is more hardwired and consistent throughout life. Recognising your child’s temperament helps you respond to their needs more empathetically and effectively.

Below are the temperaments from an international perspective:

However, I like to give credit where credit is due within a South African context. I will hence be referring to both Beer and Britz who have found unique ways to describe the temperaments, making it easier for parents to remember and apply.

Here’s a comparison of the four temperaments:Temperament Colour (Beer) Tree (Britz) Core Traits Strengths Challenges

Temperament Colour (Beer) Tree (Britz) Core Traits Strengths Challenges
Sanguine

(Playful)

 Yellow Palm Tree Fun-loving, outgoing, spontaneous, extrovert, relationship-driven Creative, optimistic, good communicators Easily distracted, forgetful, struggles with routine
Choleric

(Powerful)

 Red Rose Bush Determined, confident, strong-willed, extrovert, task-driven Natural leaders, assertive, goal-driven Can be bossy, struggles with authority
Phlegmatic

(Peaceful)

 Green Pine Tree Calm, agreeable, accommodating, introvert, relationship-driven Loyal, even-tempered, good listeners Avoids conflict, can be passive
Melancholic

(Perfect)

 Blue Lollipop Tree Detail-oriented, serious, analytical, introvert, task-driven Organised, dependable, values quality Perfectionistic, overly self-critical

2. Why Does Knowing Your Child’s Temperament Matter?

Understanding your child’s temperament is more than an interesting personality insight—it’s a key to effective parenting:

  • Improved Communication: Knowing your child’s natural tendencies helps you communicate in a way they understand and feel respected. It helps you as a parent to tailor your communication style. A sanguine child for example might need lots of enthusiasm and affirmation, while a melancholic child might prefer clarity and quiet encouragement.
  • Conflict Reduction: Many behavioural misunderstandings arise when a parent expects a child to behave in ways that clash with their natural temperament. Awareness fosters empathy and patience. Your phlegmatic child for example cannot handle conflict and would try to avoid it at all costs.
  • Tailored Discipline: Discipline becomes more effective when it is suited to the child’s temperament, for instance, a Choleric child may need clear boundaries, while a Phlegmatic child benefits from gentle encouragement. What motivates a Choleric child, like challenges or responsibility, may overwhelm a Phlegmatic one. Discipline strategies may therefore be more effective when aligned with a child’s temperament.
  • Better Emotional Support: Recognising the emotional needs of each temperament allows you to validate their feelings without judgment. A Sanguine child will for instance easily communicate their emotional needs, while a Melancholic child may need a lot more encouragement.
  • Stronger Parent-Child Bond: When children feel understood and accepted for who they are, they develop trust and emotional security. We as therapists love involved parents who communicate with their children and are willing to listen to what their children are trying to communicate concerning their emotional needs.
  • Nurturing Their Strengths: Each temperament brings unique strengths to the table. Understanding them helps you to cultivate these traits instead of trying to “correct” your child into an “acceptable mold.” Rather embrace these strengths and aid them to manage their potential challenges.

Both Beer and Britz have quick and easy quizzes which can be completed to determine your child’s temperament. Beer also recently launched a new franchise called EQ4Kids if you would like to find more information concerning their temperaments. Most qualified therapist will also make use of the various temperaments to tailor therapeutic goals for your child and are competent to provide guidance on this topic should you feel the need to learn more.

Your child is not a problem to be solved, but a person to be discovered. Tools like the colour and tree metaphors offered by Beer and Britz help parents move from frustration to fascination. They give us a deeper appreciation for the beautifully diverse ways our children are wired. By embracing temperaments as part of your parenting lens, you are not just shaping behaviour, but you are also nurturing and growing a beautiful identity.

The Author: Racheal Johnston (Social Worker specialising in Play Therapy)

More about Racheal Johnston: https://www.vitanova.co.za/meet-the-team/racheal-johnston/

To schedule a session with the author or any of our counsellors at Vita Nova, please contact us on 0712979992, or go to www.vitanova.co.za. We offer a range of counselling services and have interns that can provide you with assistance for free if you are not in a position to afford therapy.

For 24 hr assistance on mental health matters contact SADAG on 0800 567 567

Help is always available.

References:

  • Beer, L., 2014. Fun with Temperaments. 2nd ed. Pretoria: Funworks. (Also have a look at their website EQ4Kids)
  • Britz, H., 2010. Growing Kids with Character: Nurturing Your Child’s Potential, Purpose and Passion. 1st ed. Vereeniging: Christian Art Publishers.