In the world of play therapy, helping children regulate their emotions is a key part of healing and growth. One of the foundational tools we as therapists use to support this, is teaching and practicing calming strategies which is often referred to as brain stem calmers. These techniques are not only essential during therapy sessions, but are also crucial to practice regularly at home.

1. Understanding the brain: Why calming comes first

Dr. Bruce Perry, well-known American professor, clinician and researcher in children’s mental health and the neurosciences, emphasizes that a regulated brain is a learning brain. In his Neurosequential Model of Therapeutics, Perry explains that the brainstem, which is responsible for basic survival responses (fight, flight, freeze or faint), must be calm before a child can engage in emotional or cognitive tasks. This means children cannot process feelings, follow instructions, listen in class or reflect on their behaviour until they feel safe and physically regulated due to their brain perceiving the world as a threat. Therefore, calming strategies like deep breathing, rocking, humming, swinging, or using rhythmic activities like walking or dancing, can help settle the brainstem and prepare the child for deeper therapeutic work. These strategies are particularly important for children who have experienced trauma. During play therapy sessions we do however teach these regulation techniques with all children.

2.Calming through play: How we use brain stem calmers

In a play therapy session, children communicate through play rather than words. Rina Blom, the pioneer of play therapy in South Africa, highlights that play is a child’s natural language. Play is therefore a world where a child can freely express themselves and communicate to those who are willing to listen. We as therapists use this method of communication to gently guide children towards self-regulation in a fun and interactive manner. When therapists notice signs of dysregulation like hyperactivity, aggression, or withdrawal, we may introduce brain stem calmers using toys, sensory materials, or movement.

Violet Oaklander, a trailblazer in Gestalt play therapy, also underlines the importance of helping children reconnect with their bodies and senses, as trauma often disconnects our children from their bodily senses. She asserts that children frequently need concrete sensory experiences to become aware of their feelings and responses before they can learn to manage them. An important part of the play therapy process is therefor to create sensory and bodily awareness.

Examples of brain stem calming strategies in therapy may include:

  • Blowing bubbles to practice slow, deep breathing.
  • Humming as a deep breathing exercise.
  • Drumming or clapping rhythms to bring structure and calm.
  • Tactile play like using playdough or sensory bins to soothe and ground the child.

3.Why practicing at home is essential

Calming strategies are only effective when they are easily accessible and familiar to a child, especially during moments of stress. As repetition builds neural pathways, practicing brain stem calmers at home becomes imperative, as it reinforces what is learned during therapy and helps children apply them within their daily lives. Parents thus play a vital role by creating a safe environment which supports emotional regulation through modelling calming techniques, joining in sensory activities, or simply offering a calm presence. This will help a child’s brain to associate these techniques with safety and control, as they experience the same calming strategies within different environments such as school, home and during play therapy.

Teaching calming strategies in play therapy is not just a helpful technique, it is a developmental necessity, since we need to teach our children to regulate, relate and reason, as Perry would put it. We as therapists therefore urge parents to help children calm their nervous systems first, as this sets the stage for healing, growth, and meaningful connection with others within their future.

If you would like more information, please book a session for yourself or your little one at Vita Nova Counselling Centre.

The Author: Racheal Johnston (Social Worker specialising in Play Therapy)

More about Racheal Johnston: https://www.vitanova.co.za/meet-the-team/racheal-johnston/

To schedule a session with the author or any of our counsellors at Vita Nova, please contact us on 0712979992, or go to www.vitanova.co.za. We offer a range of counselling services and have interns that can provide you with assistance for free if you are not in a position to afford therapy.

For 24 hr assistance on mental health matters contact SADAG on 0800 567 567

Help is always available.

References:

  • Perry, B. D., & Szalavitz, M. 2017. The Boy Who Was Raised as a Dog: Basic Books.
  • Blom, R. 2006. The Handbook of Gestalt Play Therapy: Practical Guidelines for Child Therapists: Jessica Kingsley Publishers.
  • Oaklander, V. 2007. Hidden Treasure: A Map to the Child’s Inner Self: Karnac Books.